We're all labeled in this society as different things, based on our own personal decisions. For a while, I hated this. I am: the divorcee, single mother, home wrecker, damager of her children... honestly the list of things goes on and on.
So here's some reality from said divorcee. My marriage failed. We were young, new parents, selfish, conditional, etc, etc, etc. Ya, we loved each other. Still do actually. So why didn't we just change and make up? Was there one simple thing that pushed us over the edge? A series of seemingly in important events? No. Yes. All of the above? We started as friends, became a little more, got pregnant, did everything ass backwards, got married, and very shortly after we separated. Was it doomed from the beginning? Maybe. I personally like to believe that we both had the best of intentions. So let's face the facts here. We were young, selfish, not fully developed, and not at all ready for marriage. We weren't ready for each other. The love and work it takes to make it. We fell apart instead of falling together. So why not fix it knowing we could be together now? So many years later? After we both have matured and developed? Simply this: the demise of our marriage sent us both spiraling into different venues of life, and I wouldn't change it for the world.
The man who once claimed "you didn't love me for me, you loved me for who you thought I could be" is now the man I tried to inspire him to be. I wanted him to follow his dreams, to continue growing into the man he wanted to be. I thought I was being supportive of those things. Guess what? I was going about it all the wrong ways. So then we split up. Now, he is the COO of a growing martial arts school. He has goals and motivation galore. I was a crutch. I made myself his crutch. Without me, he soared.
Then there's me with my ever present journey and different lessons to learn and words of wisdom and love for everyone but the face I see in the mirror. I've become this whirlwind of the woman I WANT to be. The woman he couldn't handle back then. Yes, at times I am selfish. Sometimes just downright dumb with the decisions I've made. But I learn and I LIVE and I go with the ebbs and flows, I strive to continue growing every single day. During my marriage I was so hell bent on being perfect that I was a terror. A terror with a cycle that was not only self destructive but also one of harm to those around me. When we separated I learned to love my imperfections, accept my mistakes, and most of all forgive MYSELF. Would I have reached this point had we stayed together? Would I be the woman I am today? Honestly, I don't think so.
I often reflect and wonder if this does actually "damage" my son. So here's the bottom line folks. My son is smart, loving, kind, helpful, and strong. He knows that both of his parents love him "to the moon and back". His father and I have a healthy friendship that enables us to do our best for him. Ya, he may split weeks and holidays. He may miss a parent when he's with the other. It may make him sad sometimes that Mommy and Daddy aren't together. I, however, refuse to risk how happy/strong/growing we are on a chance that Mommy and Daddy could be happy together. If anything, it teaches him that things can still be okay even if they didn't work out how we wanted them to. This home wrecker and divorcee will NOT sacrifice her own (or her soon-to-be ex-husband's) happiness and growth for the opinions of others. And that, my friends, is why we are going through with this divorce.
