Well...

Good news, bad news. Just news? First and foremost: my results came back today and I am cancer free. I still have to get a small procedure done but not having cancer makes that such s small blip on the radar. Baby William is growing so much by the day. My heart melts every time I look at him. He's holding hands and grabbing hair and smiling and trying to talk and cuddling everywhere. Sir Anakin is also doing very well. The treatment plan we have him on seems to be working quite well and he's back to being my amazing little big man. I love him so much it makes my heart ache. He's growing into quite the young man and I couldn't be more proud. Country Boy and I are still together. I'm at odds on really where we stand currently. Things got so bad there for a bit and honestly I was ready to leave. We talked in depth for the first time in ages and it seems to have helped. He's trying really hard and that's what matters most.
As far as relationships in general I'm just still not feeling that connection on a deeper level, but then maybe I'm not meant to right now. Seems every time I've ever had the type of mental/emotional connection I'm currently craving I get broken in the end. I don't mind that though, it helps me to grow more. It's never been unworthy of the prices paid from my heart. I need communication on that deepest of levels. I need to feel my soul undressed and unwound, laying in the comfort of the afternoon sun awhile or wandering through fields of thoughts and dreams. That type of connection is intense, deep, difficult yet so rewarding. I need it. My soul craves it down to my core. Usually when I start feeling this way some life changing event occurs in the near future so I'm a tad bit anxious as well. I don't know where to go from here. I feel like I have so many good, loyal friends, but it's all so superficial. Get down to the nitty gritty with me. Grow with me. Open your soul and I'll do the same. I can't keep wasting time, it's all we have. Get real people. Get deep down, to the core, in touch with every fiber of your being real. I mean, it's hard. Reality checks suck, you have to learn to love your light and dark on the deepest of levels, you have to be willing to expose yourself to situations that are often less than ideal. I mean, I don't necessarily like reviewing past hurts and traumas, but I do it to keep in tune with myself and grow. I need those kinds of people in my life. Not the drama, just the kind of deep knowing and understanding that says "I am here, I am beautiful and I am a survivor." That connection from soul to soul, not just heart to heart. I need people that I can look at and know I'm not seeing a mask they're hiding behind. Be brave enough to open your soul to the world. Yes, there is risk of pain but I'm telling you the friendships derived from being that way are such a reward. Please someone... soul journey with me...

Anywho, I guess I'll update more later. I really need to try to take a nap.