Prayers

Sometimes it's just too much, ya know? The weight of everything held inside seeps out regardless of how much you try to contain it and handle it. And then its like this explosion of insanity towards everyone around but no matter how hard you try you just can't get yourself in check. And then you find yourself staring in the mirror asking your reflection to just hold on, to make it through, to stop shedding those tears and don't let them know you're down. But that's just the thing. I am down. I am down and hurting and grasping onto any small sliver of hope that things are going to get easier inside my own heart. And this huge part of me wants to reach out but I can't bring myself to. I don't want to feel like I'm making excuses or bring other people into my own hurt. I know that other people have things going on so I'm trying my best to just hold on and make it through and be understanding of others and still take care of my never ending responsibilities but I can still feel those around me suffering the consequences of the shit going on inside me. And I don't know what to do. I keep turning away so they don't see my tears. I'm failing at biting my tongue today and holding in all these emotions. Its like its all spilling out but in the oh so wrong ways...and for now, I must attempt to sleep because tomorrow is another day and I've gotta stay strong...I need prayers y'all. Lots of prayers.