Actually.

Let me just copy and paste two messages sent to a friend. Y'all remember that man I called love? This is where I am:

You know the first emotion I felt when I saw his name? Joy. And then the fear and anger. I remember seeing him for the first time at the Doba. And then meeting him while hanging out with Wendy. Not a day went by that he didn't cross my mind. And then when I called on my "birthday" celebration and he answered I was in shock. I should have known better from the start Tank...and here I am; knowing. Knowing. I shouldn't have this hope in my heart. I'm with a man that treats me like a princess. I don't want to go back to that. I would always be afraid he'd disappear again. Not like he actually cares. A man that cares doesn't walk away without a second thought for almost a year.
And this is all crazy to me. Because at that point I didn't even know him. I didn't even know him. But I met him that night at the bar hanging out with Wendy. I looked in his eyes and just knew. Right then and there. And look where that got me. Years later and I'm still a wreck over him from a message. I knew who it was but made him tell me. Then I screamed at him for almost an hour and now I'm sitting here exactly where I originally fell apart. I'm ridiculous. And crazy. And I need him out of my heart bc I was never in his...