I'm back.

Honestly I've been back for a while but I haven't had time to post. See, I didn't make the full two weeks in California. I flew back home. The whole trip wasn't a complete disaster, but enough of it was to bring me to the brink of insanity. My Grams was so hateful; the entire time. Nothing I did was good enough, everything I said was wrong. She even at one point told me I'm a horrible person. Told me I'm a bad Mom. Told me I do nothing for her; though the whole trip I'm the one that helped her shower, get dressed, clean up after an accident, wash her hands before dinner, push her wheelchair where ever she wanted to go, the list goes on. It ended with me getting so angry and frustrated I started walking down a desert highway in a sundress and boots. I almost lost it. So I sat down with her and opened up my heart and tried explaining to her how I was feeling and the way she was acting. Instead of seeing that vulnerability and talking to me she shut me out and told me it was all my imagination. So I came home before I lost all the good I've been trying to build in my heart. She refused to let us drive her home so my uncle is actually flying out today to drive her home. I hope the rest of her trip has been pleasant without my "imagination".
So; since I have been home a lot has happened. I don't feel like going into most of it because quite frankly it's none of my business. And the rest I honestly don't feel like going into because I'm not ready to. For now though; I am home. I am regaining strength. I am living each moment to it's fullest and that is all I can do.