Sometimes, during the silky embrace of the night, I allow myself to think of you. The warmth of your hand running through my hair, the sound of your heart against my ear, the strength of your arms around me. In those moments, I love you still. I breathe the emotions almost easier than I breathe the air. There's a familiarity there, a comfort in the memory. I allow my heart to wander, finding where you are. And though I will never open that door again, the could have beens seep through the wood once more.
Sometimes in the light of the day, I hear your laughter floating through the air. It takes me back to those mornings spent talking and sharing and the merriment there. I hear the dog getting jealous, and sports on the telly. I see the way the sunshine plays against your hair. I remember that morning as you cooked us breakfast, the way the light came through the window. And I sat there picking music as you laughed at my choices, though it was your collection I was choosing from. I again feel your shirt wrapped around me, smell the food on the stove. And there it is. That moment I knew you just had to be the guy I had been searching for. I glanced up for a moment, as the sun lit the room around you and laughter filled the air. The smile on your face was the most genuine thing I ever have seen. The light in your eyes shone straight through me. In that single breathtakingly beautiful moment, I had never wanted you more.
Sometimes I wonder, will our paths ever cross again? In some distant future will your soul remember mine? I pick up the phone to ask you, for these are things we used to share. Remembering the last conversation we ever had, the sadness returns. The moments are gone but I am still here. And though your bare skin never caressed mine, I physically feel the whispers of your words in the wind. It's in these moments I know, I was truly naked around you. It's in these moments I know that the future will never be ours, but part of me will always remain with you. You were a soul mate, though what kind I wasn't aware.
Now I know. You taught me so much about my own heart, about my wants and dreams. I guess somewhere along the way I lost sight of that kind of friendship, or maybe pure friendship was never really there. All I can say in this moment is that I miss you still. I pray that some day in the future your soul recognizes mine and once again we can be friends. I pray that you understand the way you reached me to the core. That deepness and beauty and a connection like never before. No, I won't go back there, not with you. Forever, though, my heart will remember.