Again.

The tears won today. When did I become so weak? I lead such a blessed life. So why am I constantly fighting? I fight to smile, I fight to sleep, I fight to eat. Hell, right now I'm fighting just to breathe. I'm smiling on the outside and inside I'm falling apart. Some days I wonder if I'll even make it to tomorrow. This isn't like me. This isn't who I am. Yet here I am, falling to pieces listening to the same song on repeat. I don't know how much more I can handle. When do things get easier? Not even that, but how do I find my strength again? I am not this broken woman. I fight with everything in me. So what if the electricity isn't working? So what if the vehicles are messing up? So what if the water bill is overdue? I've been through worse. I need to stand up and fight full force again but I can't seem to find it in me. So here I am on my knees again, praying for faith, praying for strength and resolve, patience. I know things will get better. I've made it through Hell and not only did I survive, but I came through better for it all. This should come as no surprise. So I suppose my little pity party is over. I'm gonna belt the lyrics to my song one more time and then I'm gonna get my ass in gear. I'm a Strickland, I'm a ginger and I'm one Hell of a woman. No matter what happens I make it.