Frustration.

First, I love my new job.
Second, I almost...no, I do feel guilty for taking it. The schedule I have leaves me barely any time with Anakin and also means I am not here to take care of Grams (while in training). It makes me mad. I'm 22 (as of tomorrow). Why do I have these kinds of responsibilities? I have put my whole life on hold to stay here and help take care of her. I make a step in a good direction for me and my son then feel guilty about it. I knew that taking on a full time (non-server) job would effect my time with Anakin. But I already have so little time with him I didn't realize how much it would hurt me. I chose 2nd shift instead of first so I can be here with Grams more when I get out of training. But I already know that it means probably no time with my beloved Bread and less time with my son. I hate this. I feel guilty for feeling this way. But if I wasn't...I can't think of the right word. If this responsibility of taking care of my Grams wasn't on my shoulders, I would have more flexibility with my time. I could choose whatever off days and plan my time with Anakin and Bread around those off days. Instead I have to choose my schedule based on when I'm needed here. It's frustrating. How long will my life be on hold because of family obligations? Now don't get me wrong. I love my Grams and am very blessed to have this time with her. I just feel trapped some days. Like leaving would be abandoning her and Ma (which I couldn't do). Yet staying is killing me. Some days (like today) I just don't know what to do anymore...