Day by day.

They say when a butterfly lands near it is a sign of hope. And as I swing today I am praying it is true. See, less than a week ago I made a huge mistake. It hurt a lot of people, including me. Yes, my mistakes may have cost me dearly. For my followers; you all know the history of the one I call "love". You all were there through that whole ordeal. And the "demise" of me and Country Boy. Two different stories but both very important to this one. Well, as you all know, me and Country Boy remained friends. Which really means we never truly let the other go.
So, there's the back story. Now, back in September I met a friend. I'm gonna call him Bread. He quickly became a wonderful friend. Someone I could laugh with, talk with and have an all around good time. Well. We started "talking" once but I felt as if he just wanted a friends with benefits type thing so I called it off. Started dating crazy (that's a story for another day...) and he was excited about a girl he used to know coming home. Well, crazy went crazy. The girl came home and didn't want to be with him. With us, one thing led to another. There we were, in a relationship. He made me smile constantly, was always uplifting, just in general wonderful. I did my thing, he did his and then we did our own thing together. It was the way things are supposed to be. I missed him when he wasn't around, and he missed me. Well, went out with Country Boy and his Mom to a bar. Guess who we ran into? Yep...that man I called "love" (we're changing his name to TP from here on out). In that nano second my whole world flipped upside down again. Here I thought I was over it, and in an instant I was ripped open again. Like whiplash. Over the course of the next few days I was trying to right my universe. Looking back, I should have just waited a little more. Silly me just jumped right in. Thinking over everything I decided I had to leave Bread (after all he made me feel wonderful similar to how TP once did. Couldn't deal with another heartbreak). I went back to Country Boy and was ready to settle forever. But there's that word. Settle. Give up my dream of being in love forever, give up a part of me. Leaving Bread made me have that realization. By then it was too late though. The decisions had been made, everything was in motion. I was miserable. No energy, crying all the time, completely distraught. Was I really willing to give up my dream for the promise of a comfortable forever? It was an intense week. Thinking I could make it work, wondering if it wouldn't, trying so hard to give up a part of my heart. Missing Bread as well; my lover and best friend. So yesterday I ended things with Country Boy. Permanently. And I know his hurt; I've felt it before (thanks TP). I, however, chose not to just disappear. I faced Country Boy, listened to him for a while, and when my own heart couldn't take anymore I asked him to walk out the door. He made a promise the first time that he would never walk out the door, but I broke it for him. I am hoping that with that freedom, time and good people in his life; he can move forward. It is not that he is not enough for me. I am not enough for him. I want something different from my life and he deserves someone that has more to offer.
Now on to the subject matter: day by day. I have asked Bread if we can sit down and talk. I miss everything about him. First and foremost, he is my best friend. Past that, I have missed being in his arms. I miss how green his eyes are, or those rants that make me cry in laughter. I miss his singing. The way my hand fits in his. Those hugs that make me feel as if I'm floating on air. That laughter which always fills a room. And his incomparable knowledge of the media world. I even miss his cat. I know, I'm weird. And I'm crazy. But I'm crazy about him. I was so worried about forever that I failed to see what and WHO was right in front of me. So I've asked him for some time to breathe (for both of us) and then for us to sit down and talk later. I don't know what is going to happen from here. I know that I have learned some VERY valuable lessons that I will keep with me forever, whatever he decides. So for now, it is a new day. I am in love with my universe, and I will not worry about tomorrow or the next day or the future. I will live in the present, do my best and pray I can be a better woman tomorrow.